Maybe not so funny.

It’s a funny thing, time. One day I’m spending eight hours a day minding someone else’s problems. The next, I’m minding just my own. You could say that I never really did actually mind anything but myself. But the point is, I tried, whether I felt obliged, or bound by an actual or implicit contract. Of course, the more I think about it, the more difficult it becomes to get a grasp of How long? or How long ago? The distance in time between now and then can be put into words, as exact as I’d like, but what good would that do anyone? One day is not the same as every other day. Hilarious.

They say one can’t step into the same river twice. Me? I’ve never even once stepped into a river, even though I tend to go with the flow. Going with the flow: story of my life. Question is, if a river changes course, do the fish notice? What I do know is that I have never had what it takes to turn stirrings in the depths into actual, honest-to-goodness waves on the surface. A lot of people would advise diving in, but I don’t know how to swim. That could be the point.

You know what else is funny? Thinking about the past. Thinking about the future. There’s this funny gap between either memory or prediction and reality. Ah, another slippery unquantifiable. Sometimes the gap seems merely a crack, sometimes it’s just as long as a jump, sometimes this space in between is as wide as the one that got away. Or if you’re stubborn, the one that keeps getting away.

Yeah, stretch out my arms as I might, it’s hopeless.

No. 1, series of 2010.

Happy new year, everyone.

2009 wasn't really my year. Graduated with a disappointing thesis and a disappointing honorific. Worked for five months at a disappointing job. Was dumped because of being rather aimless and, yeah... disappointing. (Well, at least it's going to be easier to go up than down, from where I stand now, right?)

Of course, 2009 wasn't all bad. (I suppose it's just that the last quarter or so of 2009 has been bad enough to affect my perception of the whole year.) Mixed with the sadness and frustration were times of happiness, expectation, and, yeah, fun with friends. While resigning from my job (i.e., taking an undeserved break) hasn't yet resulted in the sweeping life changes and sharp increase in productivity that I was hoping for, it has been somewhat refreshing, somewhat eye-opening. (It took a while for any progress to manifest, though, but I must say that there were certain mitigating circumstances.)

Well, artificial as the transition from one year to the next may be, I believe it's still psychologically useful! 2010, ready or not, here I come!

No I will not look over this entry and edit it. (P.S. I couldn't resist putting in that space.)

I don't seem to feel the same drive to blog as I used to. Now, I mostly have to force myself to go and write something here. I wonder why.

Partly, I suppose, it's because I've been busier lately. And also I'd stopped blogging regularly for quite a while.

Mostly I have a shoddy memory. I can't remember my childhood that clearly, except for some isolated instances and images. Like this yellow plastic truck that I used to play with. I can't visualize it exactly, but I can sort of summon up some vague sensory impressions: how it must've looked like, how big it felt under my fingers back then, how it felt to be pushing it along. Also when I was a kid I think I was not as hairy.

So to help my memory a little I really should develop the habit of journaling.

[start TV commercial person voice]
Because every life, even yours, is worth chronicling.
[/end TV commercial person voice]

I might as well start now. But not in this entry. For purposes of, I don't know, neatness, I'm going to separate the journal-type entries from the, er, others. Like this one and most of the recent ones.

Yes, I think I will go do that now.