Okay, first off, let me just say that I hate my aging computer for having restarted on me and making me lose all my Firefox tabs, including a blog entry I was just about to publish - I knew I shouldn't have bothered hitting "preview & spell check".
I have just realized that the last essay I've been working on was rather ill-conceived, mainly because I have no right to even be thinking of a career in writing, sorry. Not at this point, at any rate, when I have no significant experience in the field. I guess I was fancying myself a writer wannabe, which is all kinds of sad, as undeniably true things often are. Well, I definitely won't be giving up on exploring that option, but I won't dare to, you know, write about it just yet.
So, the first announcement is about that latest essay: it is now officially dead, stillborn perhaps, but at least saved from a futile existence.
I've been sort of slacking off lately. I blame the fact that I only have six units of physics coursework, three units of math (an easy, boring elective), and a three-unit GE. Rounding out this semester's fifteen units is 199, which is basically thesis work, but since we'd been meeting with our adviser since last year anyway, the thesis course itself didn't change much.
I made up for it a little tonight with some physics-related reading and foolery. I will get used to you yet, research. Coursework hasn't been too heavy, but a bit more effort couldn't hurt.
Second announcement: I will make being a nerd my career until graduation. (Well, a nerd that actually gets things done, that is.)
Third announcement: PANDA PAN DA PANDA PAN DA PANPANDA!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Tutoring, QC, and a little thing called Plurk
Tutored at Payatas HS again last Saturday, assisting Jeanne in teaching Biology, and teaching Trigonometry myself. Spent nearly the whole day there; surprisingly enough, had a lot of fun.
I find that I really like writing with good, soft chalk on a blackboard. And in fact my board-writing is better than my paper-writing, or so Jeanne says.
Teaching that trigonometry class was quite rewarding, especially near the end when the students were asking questions of their own volition. I do seem to have some talent for explaining things, and I'm sure that I've managed to teach them useful things.
(To my discredit, however, I taught them the wrong thing about the statistical median! I'll have to ask the next tutors to clear this up with them.)
Currently reading through the Questionable Content archives. Apart from getting to reread some entertaining comics, I'm also discovering some new music. (Deerhoof, The Flaming Lips, Mogwai, etc.) Good times.
PS. I don't think Plurk is really for me, but, hey, if any of you guys ever end up using it, go ahead and add me.
I find that I really like writing with good, soft chalk on a blackboard. And in fact my board-writing is better than my paper-writing, or so Jeanne says.
Teaching that trigonometry class was quite rewarding, especially near the end when the students were asking questions of their own volition. I do seem to have some talent for explaining things, and I'm sure that I've managed to teach them useful things.
(To my discredit, however, I taught them the wrong thing about the statistical median! I'll have to ask the next tutors to clear this up with them.)
Currently reading through the Questionable Content archives. Apart from getting to reread some entertaining comics, I'm also discovering some new music. (Deerhoof, The Flaming Lips, Mogwai, etc.) Good times.
PS. I don't think Plurk is really for me, but, hey, if any of you guys ever end up using it, go ahead and add me.
Friday, July 11, 2008
The evolution of an essay (part 1)
Here's the first part of the revised essay. Will be posting parts as they finish being revised, and then the complete essay once it's finally done. (Talk about shameless.)
***
Situationer
I am twenty years old; I am in my fifth and final year of an undergraduate course in physics in the University of the Philippines Diliman; I have no clear idea of what I want to be doing once I leave college; I would like to, hence this essay.
Physics, the academe, and research
It would be easiest and most logical to simply finish what I've begun, and continue working my way into the academe. I am taking BS Physics, which prepares students for careers in research, as opposed to BS Applied Physics, which prepares students for being useful and actually earning money. I have some potential for it, shown arguably by my magna cum laude standing. I am not averse to the academic life, and indeed I can see myself enjoying the intellectual exertions of independent research, not to mention the relative freedom that it can afford.
In comparison to quite a few people however, most of whom I have met in the Theoretical Physics Group, I feel like an imposter. I envy them for their enthusiasm and strong sense of belonging. These people would marry physics and live happily ever after; I just meet her once in a while for sex. We have been at it for four years, and like any normal girl would she has been putting pressure on me to finally commit.
Working harder is the delightfully generic prescription for any and all doubts, insecurities, or lack of motivation. Since thesis year is the culmination of a long period of study, and supposedly another step closer to a career in physics research, it has been getting more and more unreasonable not to hurry and swallow that particular pill already.
That is not to say that it has become easier or more likely to happen. But any way I try to envision a future full-time physics career, it always involves much more dedication, much more discipline than I currently possess. Or the more creative application thereof, which would still require conscious, sustained effort on my part.
In the movies, it would take no more than a heart-cockle-warming montage for me to suddenly appreciate the time we have had together and finally realize that she is the girl of my dreams. If only I were charming enough to be an actor!
(Abangan ang susunod na kabanata.)
***
Situationer
I am twenty years old; I am in my fifth and final year of an undergraduate course in physics in the University of the Philippines Diliman; I have no clear idea of what I want to be doing once I leave college; I would like to, hence this essay.
Physics, the academe, and research
It would be easiest and most logical to simply finish what I've begun, and continue working my way into the academe. I am taking BS Physics, which prepares students for careers in research, as opposed to BS Applied Physics, which prepares students for being useful and actually earning money. I have some potential for it, shown arguably by my magna cum laude standing. I am not averse to the academic life, and indeed I can see myself enjoying the intellectual exertions of independent research, not to mention the relative freedom that it can afford.
In comparison to quite a few people however, most of whom I have met in the Theoretical Physics Group, I feel like an imposter. I envy them for their enthusiasm and strong sense of belonging. These people would marry physics and live happily ever after; I just meet her once in a while for sex. We have been at it for four years, and like any normal girl would she has been putting pressure on me to finally commit.
Working harder is the delightfully generic prescription for any and all doubts, insecurities, or lack of motivation. Since thesis year is the culmination of a long period of study, and supposedly another step closer to a career in physics research, it has been getting more and more unreasonable not to hurry and swallow that particular pill already.
That is not to say that it has become easier or more likely to happen. But any way I try to envision a future full-time physics career, it always involves much more dedication, much more discipline than I currently possess. Or the more creative application thereof, which would still require conscious, sustained effort on my part.
In the movies, it would take no more than a heart-cockle-warming montage for me to suddenly appreciate the time we have had together and finally realize that she is the girl of my dreams. If only I were charming enough to be an actor!
(Abangan ang susunod na kabanata.)
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Collecting my thoughts.
NOTE: Unfinished essay coming right up. Been sitting on it for a while, thought I'd put it up for comments to get some more ideas about continuing it. Read if interested, comment if you read. Tried best to make it clear, but perhaps it's become dull (if the concept weren't dull in the first place)? Here we go.
***
(Paul Graham writes that essays, for him, are means of getting closer to the truth. They need not have definite, final conclusions, but they (or at least the good ones) should always represent at least some progress. I would like to begin this essay in that spirit.)
I am twenty years old. I am in my fifth and final year of taking up an undergraduate degree in physics at the University of the Philippines Diliman. Perhaps not surprisingly, I have no clearly formed idea of what I want to be doing once I finish college.
Physics, the academe, and research
One of the most logical paths to take would be to try and get into a university abroad, to continue my studies. This makes sense because, for one thing, unlike the BS Applied Physics program, which is designed to enable graduates to enter industrial or interdisciplinary careers, the BS Physics program is specifically designed to prepare students for an eventual career in the academe. For another thing, I am not averse to the academic life, and indeed I can see myself enjoying the intellectual exertions, not to mention the relative freedom that it can afford.
However, I am not entirely convinced that I am in the right field. Sure, one might argue that my magna cum laude standing is evidence enough that I have the potential to do fairly well in this field. But I still feel that there's something lacking; doing research and thinking within a physicist's mindset does not come naturally to me. Coursework such as exams and problem sets are challenges that I feel ready and willing enough to tackle, but so far, despite two years of being a member of the Theoretical Physics (research) Group, I still do not seem to have gained any sort of grasp upon the pursuit that is independent research.
Perhaps I feel ill at ease only in comparison with a number of people whom I've met within the Theoretical Physics Group (TPG or Theory from here on). These people are genuinely interested in their work, and can dredge up a seemingly endless amount of enthusiasm and drive. Hearing them talk and seeing how comfortable they feel doing what they do makes me feel like nothing more than an outsider, an imposter among true devotees. It's but a small comfort to realize that surely a good percentage of my batchmates feel the same way.
I don't have much choice but to get myself to do my best, of course, if I am to finish my thesis with any degree of pride. If I don't adequately resolve these hangups soon, there's the chance that the past four years will turn out to be a huge waste of time, academically speaking. I believe the solution would be to just go ahead and start working harder to get used to it, which is easy to say but difficult to actually do.
Love
One always hears it said that we should be doing what we love. The hard part seems to lie in finding out what exactly it is that one loves. I can't say that I love physics, at least not at this point. I don't hate it, it doesn't hate me, but there just doesn't seem to be any significant spark. Now I do realize that it just wouldn't work to just wait for the world to click things into place for me, so I'm not discounting the possibility that I may still fall in love with physics.
It actually has one thing going in its favor: I'm not really doing anything else! I've fallen into the common trap of considering myself as primarily a student, of letting myself be defined by my occupation. I call the inevitable attachment to and identification with habitual roles or activities a trap only when it happens without awareness or intent. Enmeshing me further is a certain variety of pride and sense of duty born of a lifetime of acute grade-consciousness that ensures constant attention to, if not always excellent performance at schoolwork.
I do realize that I am quite justified in being more or less fully preoccupied with my responsibilities as a student, seeing as how working on my undergraduate degree is my biggest endeavor at the moment. Despite this, I think that I should not be neglecting the other aspects of my life, and in particular that I should also be cultivating any other interests, which may branch out into other career options. After all, I might have already met the love of my life; it might just be waiting for me to show it more affection - to prove that I am capable of a deeper commitment.
I am talking of course about my only other major, lasting preoccupation.
Writing
I can remember setting out to write a novel as a young boy in grade school, my writerly instincts stirred no doubt by all the science fiction - grand, exciting, fantastic - I had begun consuming. The attempt didn't amount to anything but a few pages of scribbles and clumsy illustrations, but the damage had been done and up to now, during unguarded moments, I may be caught fancying myself a writer.
The rest of grade school as well as high school passed with barely any blips on the writing radar. With no angst-ridden poetry, no competitions, or even any newsletter positions or submissions, the tendencies lay dormant.
I did start a blog near the end of high school, which marked, I believe, a milestone of sorts. The whole blogging experience has been formative and instructional, no question about it. It's what, nearly single-handedly, kept writing alive for me, even just barely. It's why I'm here right now, trying to figure myself out through this essay. Blogging also proved instrumental to making my current relationship possible, which apart from revealing how geeky we are, also shows how much it has affected my life.
I've tried my hand at non-fiction, mostly journalling, at fiction, and at poetry. Of the three, I seem to find so-called creative non-fiction to be the easiest to write, followed by poetry, followed by what I've found to be the most difficult, fiction. To be more precise, I find it rather difficult - or in fact impossible - to come up with a complete, satisfactorily-resolved piece of fiction. Essays I can manage to close, and poems, but apart from a few excusably vague short pieces, my fiction has never quite formed a complete story.
I've always been interested in writing for various reasons: self-expression, a fascination with precision of meaning or mood, as an aid in contemplation. The little I've written so far vary in quality, with a few pieces worthy of a kind comment and acknowledgment of potential mixed with less remarkable fare. And as I mentioned above, it's been a constant, if inactive at times, interest of mine.
(End of Part I)
***
(Paul Graham writes that essays, for him, are means of getting closer to the truth. They need not have definite, final conclusions, but they (or at least the good ones) should always represent at least some progress. I would like to begin this essay in that spirit.)
I am twenty years old. I am in my fifth and final year of taking up an undergraduate degree in physics at the University of the Philippines Diliman. Perhaps not surprisingly, I have no clearly formed idea of what I want to be doing once I finish college.
Physics, the academe, and research
One of the most logical paths to take would be to try and get into a university abroad, to continue my studies. This makes sense because, for one thing, unlike the BS Applied Physics program, which is designed to enable graduates to enter industrial or interdisciplinary careers, the BS Physics program is specifically designed to prepare students for an eventual career in the academe. For another thing, I am not averse to the academic life, and indeed I can see myself enjoying the intellectual exertions, not to mention the relative freedom that it can afford.
However, I am not entirely convinced that I am in the right field. Sure, one might argue that my magna cum laude standing is evidence enough that I have the potential to do fairly well in this field. But I still feel that there's something lacking; doing research and thinking within a physicist's mindset does not come naturally to me. Coursework such as exams and problem sets are challenges that I feel ready and willing enough to tackle, but so far, despite two years of being a member of the Theoretical Physics (research) Group, I still do not seem to have gained any sort of grasp upon the pursuit that is independent research.
Perhaps I feel ill at ease only in comparison with a number of people whom I've met within the Theoretical Physics Group (TPG or Theory from here on). These people are genuinely interested in their work, and can dredge up a seemingly endless amount of enthusiasm and drive. Hearing them talk and seeing how comfortable they feel doing what they do makes me feel like nothing more than an outsider, an imposter among true devotees. It's but a small comfort to realize that surely a good percentage of my batchmates feel the same way.
I don't have much choice but to get myself to do my best, of course, if I am to finish my thesis with any degree of pride. If I don't adequately resolve these hangups soon, there's the chance that the past four years will turn out to be a huge waste of time, academically speaking. I believe the solution would be to just go ahead and start working harder to get used to it, which is easy to say but difficult to actually do.
Love
One always hears it said that we should be doing what we love. The hard part seems to lie in finding out what exactly it is that one loves. I can't say that I love physics, at least not at this point. I don't hate it, it doesn't hate me, but there just doesn't seem to be any significant spark. Now I do realize that it just wouldn't work to just wait for the world to click things into place for me, so I'm not discounting the possibility that I may still fall in love with physics.
It actually has one thing going in its favor: I'm not really doing anything else! I've fallen into the common trap of considering myself as primarily a student, of letting myself be defined by my occupation. I call the inevitable attachment to and identification with habitual roles or activities a trap only when it happens without awareness or intent. Enmeshing me further is a certain variety of pride and sense of duty born of a lifetime of acute grade-consciousness that ensures constant attention to, if not always excellent performance at schoolwork.
I do realize that I am quite justified in being more or less fully preoccupied with my responsibilities as a student, seeing as how working on my undergraduate degree is my biggest endeavor at the moment. Despite this, I think that I should not be neglecting the other aspects of my life, and in particular that I should also be cultivating any other interests, which may branch out into other career options. After all, I might have already met the love of my life; it might just be waiting for me to show it more affection - to prove that I am capable of a deeper commitment.
I am talking of course about my only other major, lasting preoccupation.
Writing
I can remember setting out to write a novel as a young boy in grade school, my writerly instincts stirred no doubt by all the science fiction - grand, exciting, fantastic - I had begun consuming. The attempt didn't amount to anything but a few pages of scribbles and clumsy illustrations, but the damage had been done and up to now, during unguarded moments, I may be caught fancying myself a writer.
The rest of grade school as well as high school passed with barely any blips on the writing radar. With no angst-ridden poetry, no competitions, or even any newsletter positions or submissions, the tendencies lay dormant.
I did start a blog near the end of high school, which marked, I believe, a milestone of sorts. The whole blogging experience has been formative and instructional, no question about it. It's what, nearly single-handedly, kept writing alive for me, even just barely. It's why I'm here right now, trying to figure myself out through this essay. Blogging also proved instrumental to making my current relationship possible, which apart from revealing how geeky we are, also shows how much it has affected my life.
I've tried my hand at non-fiction, mostly journalling, at fiction, and at poetry. Of the three, I seem to find so-called creative non-fiction to be the easiest to write, followed by poetry, followed by what I've found to be the most difficult, fiction. To be more precise, I find it rather difficult - or in fact impossible - to come up with a complete, satisfactorily-resolved piece of fiction. Essays I can manage to close, and poems, but apart from a few excusably vague short pieces, my fiction has never quite formed a complete story.
I've always been interested in writing for various reasons: self-expression, a fascination with precision of meaning or mood, as an aid in contemplation. The little I've written so far vary in quality, with a few pieces worthy of a kind comment and acknowledgment of potential mixed with less remarkable fare. And as I mentioned above, it's been a constant, if inactive at times, interest of mine.
(End of Part I)
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Oh, I forgot:
Very trippy optical illusion that actually works. Go here, then search for "vision distorter (v2.0)".
That illusion, among the others on the page, made me quite dizzy late last night. So, yeah, don't overdo it!
That illusion, among the others on the page, made me quite dizzy late last night. So, yeah, don't overdo it!
StumbleUpon
Anybody else use StumbleUpon? Been trying it out lately, and last night I stayed up too late for the first time in a long while. I think it's a really great concept, allowing one to put the internet on "shuffle", so to speak, in a way that makes sense.
Some finds:
Paul Graham's speech intended for high school graduates. Good advice, if a bit commonsensical to people past a certain degree of maturity. His other essays are good reads, as well.
Dirty car art.
Squashed philosophers.
Jackson Pollock applet.
Online etymology dictionary.
And so on!
Some finds:
Paul Graham's speech intended for high school graduates. Good advice, if a bit commonsensical to people past a certain degree of maturity. His other essays are good reads, as well.
Dirty car art.
Squashed philosophers.
Jackson Pollock applet.
Online etymology dictionary.
And so on!
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Virtual gut-spilling. (another meme stolen from Racine)
Ask me anything (e.g., that something you've always been wondering about me, or just some other question you've always been meaning to ask but somehow have never gotten around to), and I'll give it to you as straight as I can. Just send me a PM either through Multiply or LJ or email me at [my username]@gmail.com, and I'll reply via the same route.
Tutoring at the UPSCA CEER
i.e., college entrance examination review. I'm not sure exactly how we came to be helping UPSCA out with this yearly event, but this is now the second year of Ex Libris UP sending a few of its members over.
For today it was Aragorn, Jeanne, and I who went to Payatas High School (oh, but it's called Justice Someone-or-Other High School now). Met up at around 11:30 at McDo Philcoa, took two jeeps to the place, arrived there shortly after noon.
Since we arrived an hour before the classes we were going to be teaching (Physics) were set to start, we were able to listen in to a short processing meeting where the tutors of the morning sessions (Chemistry) were sharing their experiences, comments, and insights.
The main problem, as we would find out for ourselves, was lack of time. With at least a year's worth of material to cover for each subject area, three hours just weren't enough. With exceptional students, of course, that amount of time might suffice, but not every student can be exceptional.
In any case, we found ourselves starting teaching after a little while. Aragorn ended up getting to handle the "cream" or "honor" section of only about fifteen students; I got a regular section of about thirty. Jeanne, well, she stayed to observe at my class, haha. (She ended up taking attendance, taking pictures, and butting in on my discussion only rarely.)
I only covered vectors (but not vector addition, which in hindsight is a pretty stupid thing to skip), kinematics (i.e., basic concepts regarding motion, 1-D and 2-D kinematic equations, interpreting a-t, v-t, x-t graphs, etc.), and a brief hurried tour of Newton's Laws and momentum conservation. May not seem like much, but I extended over the three hour limit for about twenty minutes.
The students were lively but not disrespectful. It was a little frustrating at times how I had to slow the pace down, but it couldn't have been helped, since they've only begun to tackle physics this school year. The session wasn't exactly wrinkle-free, but I believe I managed to adequately explain further all the things they seemed to have trouble with.
All in all, I enjoyed the experience, despite my throat hurting by the end of the session, unaccustomed to speaking as I am. Perhaps I enjoy explaining things that I understand well to others (and I may be good at it, too, or at least Jeanne thinks so and says that, bias aside, she did hear the odd murmur or ahhh of understanding). Maybe I do have some appreciation for kids, after all (well, they were in fourth year high school, but still).
I don't know, but I think I'll be coming back to tutor again. We'll see.
For today it was Aragorn, Jeanne, and I who went to Payatas High School (oh, but it's called Justice Someone-or-Other High School now). Met up at around 11:30 at McDo Philcoa, took two jeeps to the place, arrived there shortly after noon.
Since we arrived an hour before the classes we were going to be teaching (Physics) were set to start, we were able to listen in to a short processing meeting where the tutors of the morning sessions (Chemistry) were sharing their experiences, comments, and insights.
The main problem, as we would find out for ourselves, was lack of time. With at least a year's worth of material to cover for each subject area, three hours just weren't enough. With exceptional students, of course, that amount of time might suffice, but not every student can be exceptional.
In any case, we found ourselves starting teaching after a little while. Aragorn ended up getting to handle the "cream" or "honor" section of only about fifteen students; I got a regular section of about thirty. Jeanne, well, she stayed to observe at my class, haha. (She ended up taking attendance, taking pictures, and butting in on my discussion only rarely.)
I only covered vectors (but not vector addition, which in hindsight is a pretty stupid thing to skip), kinematics (i.e., basic concepts regarding motion, 1-D and 2-D kinematic equations, interpreting a-t, v-t, x-t graphs, etc.), and a brief hurried tour of Newton's Laws and momentum conservation. May not seem like much, but I extended over the three hour limit for about twenty minutes.
The students were lively but not disrespectful. It was a little frustrating at times how I had to slow the pace down, but it couldn't have been helped, since they've only begun to tackle physics this school year. The session wasn't exactly wrinkle-free, but I believe I managed to adequately explain further all the things they seemed to have trouble with.
All in all, I enjoyed the experience, despite my throat hurting by the end of the session, unaccustomed to speaking as I am. Perhaps I enjoy explaining things that I understand well to others (and I may be good at it, too, or at least Jeanne thinks so and says that, bias aside, she did hear the odd murmur or ahhh of understanding). Maybe I do have some appreciation for kids, after all (well, they were in fourth year high school, but still).
I don't know, but I think I'll be coming back to tutor again. We'll see.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
But don't you worry, there's no hurry.
Today* in food:
Cafe americano, tiny cookie (came with the coffee), tableya cake;
Gamberi (mmm smoky spicy prawns), eggplant parmigiana, onion rings, bottomless iced tea;
Pastillas (pocket-squished, crumbly);
Pizza (four-cheese, roasted garlic and shrimp, anchovy lovers), ice cream cake (blueberry cheesecake), warm chocolate float (cream, ice cream, chocolate, quite thick)**;
Spaghetti (home-style), ice cream (fruit salad), cake (coffee crunch).
**I got a small stuffed cow from Five Cows, where we had ice cream cake and the chocolate float. Its name is Tard. Too lazy to get a proper picture right now, but here is an approximation, which does not really show off his 'tardation much.
*Happy birthday, Racine! Happy birthday, me!
So we're twenty now, huh? Imagine that. Here's to moving inexorably toward the ever uncertain future, birthday-mate!
Cafe americano, tiny cookie (came with the coffee), tableya cake;
Gamberi (mmm smoky spicy prawns), eggplant parmigiana, onion rings, bottomless iced tea;
Pastillas (pocket-squished, crumbly);
Pizza (four-cheese, roasted garlic and shrimp, anchovy lovers), ice cream cake (blueberry cheesecake), warm chocolate float (cream, ice cream, chocolate, quite thick)**;
Spaghetti (home-style), ice cream (fruit salad), cake (coffee crunch).
**I got a small stuffed cow from Five Cows, where we had ice cream cake and the chocolate float. Its name is Tard. Too lazy to get a proper picture right now, but here is an approximation, which does not really show off his 'tardation much.
*Happy birthday, Racine! Happy birthday, me!
So we're twenty now, huh? Imagine that. Here's to moving inexorably toward the ever uncertain future, birthday-mate!
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