This whole telling people about myself business...

...still sits more than a little uncomfortably with me. This is in no way just an excuse for laziness and mis-scheduling on my part, such that now I have no time to work on an actual entry for today. Not entirely, anyway. (I have less than an hour to come up with something.)


As a child and as I was growing up, I barely had any friends. Now, as you might imagine, this did tend to make me rather sad at times, and even up to now when my mind alights on the subject it can get pretty melancholy. I don't think it's surprising at all for a shy, withdrawn, chubby kid to keep to himself, and at times feel horribly maladjusted and unfit for society.


I kept this all to myself as I simply sat inside my own head, firm in the conviction that even if I had someone to tell, they wouldn't really understand, anyway. Perhaps at first I drew some little consolation in this perceived unfathomableness, but soon enough I grew to think that it was my own damn fault for being somehow defective, somehow not quite as suited as the average person to the average life by 


You've heard this story before, I'm sure. I found solace in the solitary pleasures of reading (and for stretches in high school and during college, of trying to write and keep up a blog), and never got close to anyone even though a part of me must have always kept yearning for this so-called friendship so thought highly of by normal society, i.e., the people who actually had it.


Now I'm a little older, a little more experienced, and I wouldn't be so quick to label myself friendless. Even if I do still feel a little socially and emotionally stunted, clueless and clumsy (oh boy, the things my clumsiness have led me into and out of, but those are stories for another time), and not at home in the world of men, more and more I'm beginning to (finally) convince myself that this isn't a hopeless state of affairs: I'm young, the world is big, and I have time yet to grow into the life I want to be living.

Cheers!

The world is always better when I’m tipsy. Better because it’s just a little further away. At least for a little while, I feel like I have the right to focus solely on the pleasant fact of moderate inebriation. It doesn’t even matter whether I was more happy than sad before I got a bit sloshed. The feeling of goodwill is inevitable. I suppose I’m a cheerful drunk.

It probably helps that I’ve never really had a bad experience with drink. Sure, I’ve had my share of puking into the bushes. But I’ve only had hangovers up to perhaps 60% on the horribleness scale. I’ve blacked out once, but I was in a safe place surrounded by friends – and, reportedly, was capable of making basic responses!

To be honest, I think I’d be better off if I could somehow make permanent the lowering of inhibitions due to alcohol. People seem to like me better tipsy, at any rate. Sad, but true. Just goes to show, I need to stop thinking too much. I need to lighten up, open up, be more willing to make a fool of myself.

Easier said than done. In the meantime, cheers!

Journal Entry Number Five

Sociable-ness (or, okay, read this first)

I just realized that it might seem weird to people that I'm rather... inconsistent about how sociable I'm willing to be. I always get the feeling that people are surprised whenever I seem willing to talk for more than a few words at a time.

Introverts like me sometimes just need to withdraw from the world for a while, but we'll be ready again eventually. We have some fun times together, right? So if the quiet spots begin to disturb you, hang on to the fun times. There could be more fun times in store for everyone, including (especially) you and me!

We are all friends. Even if I seem a bit out of it sometimes, I know, it's (I'm) kind of awkward, sorry. If you're my friend, you should know how awkward I can get, haha.

(Okay, I'll go withdraw for a bit now. Stay available, friends. But first, the rest of this entry!)



Expenses, coffee

It's been a bit of a spendy week, haha. Over the span of a few days, we had lunch at Sbarro, dinner at A Veneto, coffee and cake at Chocolat, coffee and donuts at Dunkin Donuts, coffee at Mister Donut (twice, once with donuts). Hah.

Well, Dunkin Donuts does have (surprisingly) good coffee, and pretty cheap too, at thirty pesos for a big cup. Mister Donut also has good coffe. (at least the one at Trinoma) at twenty five pesos (regular size), and an option to add vanilla, choco mint, or hazelnut syrup for ten pesos more. We've only tried the French vanilla, and it seemed to be worth it, more or less; it basically neutralized that slightly bitter coffee aftertaste without masking the coffee flavor.

We've been drinking our coffee without sugar or creamer or anything else, and Zafra's right, that's the only way you can really taste your coffee. (Although I admit I sometimes am partial to Nescafe's 3-in-1, haha. Great for rainy days.)

Coffee tends to make us more talkative, at least sometimes. But, for me at least, after the initial burst of energy, eventually I get sleepier than I would've been without the coffee. Also, coffee is no good when it's not hot anymore. Ick.

Anyway, yes, coffee: I love the smell, the heat, the taste... how it feels against the insides of my body. MMMMM



ANYWAY, now let's talk about something else

Hmm, well, I've been reading Murakami again. I guess I'm just not used to reading him in shorter forms than novels, but at times I find myself looking for something more than just these brief excursions into different (yet familiar) lives. (i.e., minsan, nakakabitin!)

Perhaps it's the deceptive simplicity of his stories (and his writing style in general), but reading him I feel as if it wouldn't be that hard to get writing again. Hah. Right.

In any case I've been meaning to try my hand at writing something again, but nothing's actually been happening yet. Either I'm too busy, or too lazy, or too, I don't know, dull, like an unused knife (that was never the sharpest in the drawer in the first place, although it did manage to cut those tomatoes from time to time).



Plans

Well, it's only a year and a half or so to graduation. Like I said before, someone's already told me to start making plans if I want to pursue my studies elsewhere immediately after graduating.

And it does seem to make sense. So far, I've been looking at universities in Germany, for reasons that should be obvious. (Sausages and beer, mmm-mmm.) It seems that higher education in Germany is generally good, and that it would be easy to get into the country as a student.

But, well, I have no idea yet how to start preparing. Except for, perhaps, starting on the paperwork for a passport? I do not have one yet.

I'm not sure if my parents'll trust me enough to let me go off on my own yet, anyway. Perhaps I should prove myself independent and capable of taking care of myself?

(Now how am I supposed to do that?)